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This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Esteee 3 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #1037 Reply
    Profile photo of mums
    mums
    Keymaster

    There are certain issues in your marriage that
    can’t be changed today. No matter how hard
    you try, some marriage improvements take
    time. But these four choices we’re sharing
    with you today will instantly improve your
    marriage. Trisha and I have personally seen
    these four things change our marriage for the
    good and the absence of these four things
    change our marriage for the bad. Choosing all
    four is possible. But even choosing just one is
    a game changer:

    1. Assume the best about your
    spouse.
    Trisha and I spent years being defensive with
    one another. She would ask me a question and
    I was defensive. I would say something to her
    and she was defensive. Being defensive will
    never build intimacy. When you assume the
    worst of your spouse, you automatically put
    them in defense mode. In defense mode,
    responsibility isn’t taken, grace isn’t shown,
    patience runs thin and arguments are frequent.
    When you assume the best of your wife or your
    husband, there is a confidence that even when
    you disagree, you know in your heart that your
    spouse is for you . When you have confidence
    that your husband or your wife is for you,
    intense discussions can build intimacy instead
    of shredding it. Assume the best and be proven
    wrong.

    2. Listen more and speak less
    I am a recovering control freak. Control freaks
    have to be right and have to have the last
    word. Because I was always trying to prove I
    was right and always trying to have the last
    word, I would listen but only to have a
    response or counterpoint . Sound familiar? Do
    you interrupt your spouse when she is talking?
    Do you find yourself thinking of a response in
    your head as your husband is speaking? Do
    you not even acknowledge what has been said
    before you prove how right you are? Your
    marriage would change today if you listened to
    your spouse in order to understand, rather
    than to be understood. Scripture puts it like
    this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow
    to speak and slow to become angry.

    3. Stop Trying to Change Your
    Spouse
    I wish I could have back the amount of time,
    energy and emotions Trisha and I have spent
    believing that we could change the other. We
    thought if we yelled loud enough, made our
    point strong enough, were right enough,
    slammed the door hard enough…they would
    change. It never worked. When you and I
    assume the responsibility to change the heart
    of our spouse, we assume the role of God in
    our marriage. Can I just set you free from
    something: you don’t have the power to
    change a human heart; only God
    does. The best advice I can give that will
    transform your marriage is to pray for your
    spouse and ask God to change you .
    Praying for your spouse
    may not change them, but it
    will always change you.

    4. Stop putting your spouse down in
    public
    This was something that I did for years. I didn’t
    even realize how often I did this until our
    separation. One evening at dinner, Trisha
    shared with me many examples of me being
    condescending to her or making fun of her in
    front of other people. I felt horrible. When we
    make fun of our spouse or insult our spouse in
    front of others what we communicate is how
    insecure we are with ourselves. Do you build
    your spouse up in front of others or tear them
    down? There is nothing that will erode
    intimacy quicker than putting your spouse
    down in front of others. On the other hand,
    there is nothing more fulfilling than having your
    wife/husband compliment you in front of your
    friends or your family. It is a game changer.

    (Excerpt from refineus and marriagebed)

    • This topic was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Profile photo of mums mums.
  • #1045 Reply

    Esteee

    Nice one dear.My hub and I are guity of all four.I just discovered we are in constant competition with each other.I will note this and share it with him.
    Thanks much.

Reply To: 4 Choices to Improve Your Marriage
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