My husband and I met online and started dating in 2009. I was a single mom with a baby. We dated for 3-4 months then things got weird and we stopped talking. No fight or anything, he just seemed shady and I didnt trust him. I thought he was seeing other girls (he was but I didnt know until years later). About 6 months later he crossed my mind. I was living alone with my baby in a Kaduna far away from him in Lagos. I added him on FB and we reconnected. He was all romantic and convinced me to come see him. I did, and we ended up getting back together after dating for 3 months, and me flying back & forth all the time to see him. I didnt need him. I wanted him. I was financially secure on my own.
I got pregnant (I had an IUD in but it became embedded and I didnt know). Needless to say I was shocked. Baby turned out to be okay although I did have a lot of bleeding. We moved in together when I was 5 months pregnant. We got married when our baby was 3 months old. We got along just fine and he was a good enough guy. He stepped up and took over the daddy position for my other baby and was providing for all of us financially. In fact I was considering abortion and he didn’t want me to. Asked me to quit my job and move in with him.
While I was pregnant the romance fizzled and he lost interest in me. I caught him flirting on facebook with girls from his home state. That’s when i got suspicions again of him being a cheat. Eventually I did catch him cheating on me. Our daughter was about a year old. I was over weight from the pregnancy and hadnt lost the weight. He was uninterested. Funny thing is, the girls he cheated with were not attractive at all and he even admitted it. He said it was exciting and he couldnt help himself because he had never been faithful to any woman. That he was trying to be faithful but it was like an addiction for him, and he didnt know how to stop. That he didnt want to hurt me and it wasnt about me it was him.
His job takes him away a lot and puts him in hotels with male and female co-workers (different rooms). I just cant stop being anxious, depressed, and CONSTANTLY worrying. Playing detective and trying to catch him again. I cant stop. I dont know how. I want to stop, and I HATE feeling this way. Always worrying.
Its been two years since the cheating happened. 5 years together. Over the two years after the cheating I caught him talking to the other women (two) texting, and on bbm. I caught him probably 6 or 7 times communicating with them. He has proved to me that he is not testable so many times. I always leave for a week, or a month, or two months, and then we always get back together and see a marriage counselor and church pastor for a while. This last time I caught him, I set him up. I posed as the other woman and emailed him. He told me that she messaged him and he told her to leave him alone. Which he did. Then the next day he told her (really was me) that he missed her and that I saw the message and might contact her. I was crushed. I was starting to really trust him and didnt want to let go of my guard until I knew for a fact I could (thats why I tested him).
We get along amazingly. We never fight.The only thing in our relationship we have ever argued about is sex (he never wants it), and him cheating/lying about girls periodically. We have a great life together but this is just starting to become too much for me. I have tried so hard to be a good wife. Our family is great and we get along great. He just cant keep his penis in his pants. I feel like less of a woman, I dont feel like I am lovable, and I am very self conscious. I want my marriage to work SO bad. I dont want to give up on him, or on our family. I dont want to be with anyone else. I just want him to stop, and control himself. I dont want to give up our family, and I dont want to be that young single mom with two kids by two dads and a divorce under her belt. I dont want my kids growing up in two homes with two sets of parents. They see us laughing, playing, hugging, kissing, and being great friends all the time. They never see us argue about this. I just don’t know what is right.
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